Home for a Heron: An Occasionally Rhyming Story in Captions

We interrupt our regularly scheduled search for the perfect walk-around lens to bring you a brief tale of coastal real estate as observed on my recent visit to Bolsa Chica Wetlands Preserve.

Where will a heron find a home? In Memphis, Brea, or El Cajon? "I'll need a roommate," our hero sighs, "cuz an ocean view ain't no small fries."

Where will a heron find a home? In Laguna, Brea, or El Cajon? “I’ll need a roommate,” our hero sighs, “cuz an ocean view ain’t no small fries.”

"He can live with me, if his name is Alan," said one to please youtube cognoscenti, while predators eyed wag-on-a-stick and gave thanks for a life in this land of plenty.

“He can live with me, if his name is Alan,” said one to the youtube cognoscenti, while raptors eyeballed wag-on-a-stick, giving thanks for this, the land of plenty.

Alan

"Don't call me a bigot, but I think he should live on his own or stay with his mother. He cannot room with me, because one good tern deserves another."

“He should live on his own or stay with his mother. He cannot live with me: One good tern deserves another.”

Where will a heron find a home? In Galveston, Taos, or San Antone? "Although I wait tables I'm really an actor and not at all jerky. Everyone loves my impression of a turkey!"

Where will a heron find a home? In Galveston, Taos, or San Antone? “Although this actor waits tables, I’m not at all jerky. Everyone loves my impression of a turkey!”

"His acting is atrocious," said a stately white cousin, "but it's his gopher breath that sets my left eye a'buzzin'."

“You can hardly call it acting,” said a stately white cousin, “but his gamey gopher breath is what sets my left eye a’buzzin’.”

"it's true I emote and forget all my lines, and I get very nervous onstage, but just like DeNiro, Pacino, and Pitt, I excel at smoldering rage!"

“it’s true I emote and forget all my lines, and I get very nervous onstage, but just like DeNiro, Pacino, and Pitt, I excel at smoldering rage!”

"No, he doesn't. Now get the hell out of here."

“No, he doesn’t. Now get the hell out of here before he asks me. No, seriously. Go away.”

Oh how can a heron find a home, a home with a roommate at the beach? Oh how when he eats all those mammals whole, then makes a trumpet of his breach?*

Oh how can a heron find a home, and what’s more with a roommate at the beach? Oh how when he eats all those rodents whole, and then makes a trumpet of his breach?*

*Apologies to Dante Alighieri

A kindly cormorant considered the scene, but didn't stop to chat. Asked why as he flew away, said only "Cormy don't play that."

A kindly cormorant considered the scene, but didn’t stop to chat. Asked why as he flew away so fast, said only “Cormy don’t play that.”

"Oh how about you, my flustery friend? Would you share a room with a heron? "Indeed I would not," cawed the sinister crow, "I'd sooner wear lipstick and lead a bear on."

“Oh how about you, my flustery friend? Would you share a room with a heron? “Indeed I would not,” cawed the thrice-worried crow, “I’d sooner wear lipstick and lead a bear on.”

"Dude, you did not tell him I'm up here, right?" Said the Kestrel. "Shut up," said the crow. "You shut up," said the kestrel.

“Dude, you did not tell him I’m up here, right?” said the kestrel. “Shut up,” said the crow. “You shut up,” said the kestrel. Later, the kestrel decapitated the crow and ate his liver with some faba beans and a nice chianti. But back to our story.

"I'm plenty angry; don't fill me with woe. He poops bigger than me; don't ask how I know."

“I can’t be his roommate; we’re too odd a couple, I’m tiny and brittle, he’s enormous and supple. and I’m plenty angry; don’t fill me with woe. He poops bigger than me; don’t ask how I know.”

Where will a heron find a home? Near an ocean or lagoon or riparian zone? Without a roommate, the choices are few...

Where will a heron find a home? Near an ocean or lagoon or riparian zone? Without a roommate, the choices are few…

...but then he found a palm tree by the Bolsa Chica slough, built a bachelor's nest and bid us adieu.  Except he pronounced it wrong, and it didn't rhyme with slough.

…but then he found a palm tree by the Bolsa Chica slough, built a bachelor’s nest and bid us adieu. Except he pronounced it wrong, and it didn’t rhyme with slough.

But that was his home. And he ate rats that tried to live there and farted freely and orated from the highest fronds and lived boorishly and beautifully ever after.

But that was his home. And he ate rats that tried to live there and he farted freely and orated from the highest fronds and lived boorishly and beautifully ever after.

4 Comments

Filed under Just for FUN, Nature Photography

4 responses to “Home for a Heron: An Occasionally Rhyming Story in Captions

  1. Larry

    Your pictures are amazing. I even like your rhymes.
    Keep up the good works, you’ll make the Times.
    YoBroInLo

  2. Steve Mikkelson

    With nary a heron, your head-so full of bright schemes,
    Could author a book of these creatures, it seems.

    Steve M.

  3. Cindy Pitou Burton

    The meandering, comical poems and the brilliantly edited photos had me laughing out loud! Loved this blog.

  4. Myrna Cambianica

    too funny … loved this series … maybe a kids book should be in process

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